


In The Room Where You Sleep

by Dotdotbeepdot



Series: Sides Prequel Stories [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety being a little asshole like he always is as a defense, Anyways, Arguing, Depression, Eating, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Not A Happy Ending, Pre-Canon, Remus being Remus, idk it goes from 11 to 15 so it's technically both, it varies between the two, little fucker i love him, or technically teen fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:54:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29658555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dotdotbeepdot/pseuds/Dotdotbeepdot
Summary: Janus' and Patton's rooms are similar.They make you ignore whats wrong.
Relationships: None
Series: Sides Prequel Stories [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074788
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Janus (11)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a fic about Janus and Patton and YES it's titled with a song in Remus' playlist lets move on lol I gotta let everyone know who my favorite character is even when he isn't the center of attention.

“Janus?”

He never goes away.

“Janus, do you want to come out today?” Remus continued to bug him without care, knocking on the door six times in a row (his favorite number) and starting over again. “Anxiety is getting really worried. He thinks you died in there.”

Janus huffed. He wished.

“I made you food again, but Anxiety threw it out because he said it was bad and probably inedible,” there was a sound of the door creaking open and a bowl clinked on the ground, slowly getting pushed closer to Janus’ bed. “He made some soup instead… Janus—”

“What is it, Remus?” He muttered, cutting the other off and bringing a hand up to rub his forehead. If he humors him, he’ll leave faster, and all Janus wanted was to be left alone. 

“Okay, okay,” Remus bounced excitedly on his toes, clapping his hands together. “Did you know a decapitated head of a dead snake can still bite hours after death. Heh, it’s actually the most venomous their bite can be because they’re dead. We could—”

“Did you really think that would make me feel better?” Janus sat up from the blankets and pillows covering his bed. He glared at Remus, both brown eye and yellow eye narrowed. He pushed himself off the bed, stumbling a little because of his lack of movement for the past few days.  _ “Why  _ would I  _ ever  _ need to know that?”

Remus shrugged. “I dunno. Just because of you’re—”

“My what?” Janus snapped, baring his teeth. Remus made a face. “Why did you think I needed to know that, hm? What was the  _ oh-so-important  _ reason that  _ I  _ needed to know it?”

“You smell awful. Like death.” Remus snickered, oblivious to― or just straight up ignoring― the tension in the room. Janus deflated, the fight already leaking out of him. He was too tired to care. He sent one last glare towards Remus before reaching down and grabbing the bowl. He wasn’t hungry by all means, but he didn’t want to deal with Anxiety’s worrying. 

“Leave me alone.” He waved his hand and the door slammed on Remus. 

Janus stood in his room for a moment, head foggy with numbness. Ever since Christmas, he hasn’t been… all there. He didn’t leave his room, barely ever left his bed. He ate little, only eating small doses of the food the others brought to him or snacking on anything he craved. Any basic hygiene was out of the question. He didn’t know why he was acting like this. He hated this. Always angry and tired.

Why was he acting like this?

He placed the bowl on his desk and dropped back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. If he strained his ears a little, he could hear Remus and Anxiety talking, not too carefully, about him. By the sound of it, Janus could be expecting a visit from the other nightmare any moment now.

Speak of the devil, two hesitant knocks sounded from the door.

“Go away, Anxiety.”

“Janus, c’mon man,” he whined. Janus turned on his side and wrapped the blanket around his body. The heavy materiel brushed against the peeling skin over his scales, making his throat choke. “You― you can’t just stay in there for all this time. Remus needs you, Thomas even needs you. I mean, your his—”

“I’m nothing to him,” Janus sighed. “He doesn’t even know I exist. I’m what? Everything wrong with Thomas?”

“No, you aren’t,” Anxiety sounded almost offended by the notion. “Your Reason. You… you make sure Thomas makes the right decision using Morality  _ and _ Logic. And you always help me make sure he’s safe.”

“I’m  _ Lies,”  _ Janus rolled back on his back and stared up at the ceiling, not going to risk looking Anxiety in the eyes. “I’m a liar. Who’s to say I haven’t always been Lies? Most of the suggestions I would give Thomas are just lies in the first place. What was reasonable about telling his parents that he didn’t break his brother’s glasses because he was mad at him?”

“Well… if Thomas had told them the truth, they could have yelled at him or ground him or something even worse. I think that was the right thing to do.”

Janus didn’t answer him, completely ignored him in fact. “And what about that time I convinced Thomas to ignore his piles of homework because it was getting too stressful for him, and he ended up lying to his mother that he had finished his homework early so that he could watch television? Was that  _ reasonable?” _

“I mean… maybe... not, but—”

“And that time I told him to talk back to a teacher because she was being rude to him, saying that he couldn’t sit still long enough to pay attention.” Janus pushed himself up and glared at the end of his bed. “He got in a lot of trouble then and when his parents told him to apologize and he did, he didn’t  _ really _ mean it. He was  _ lying  _ then.”

“Lies aren’t bad, Jan. They… protect people.”

Janus rolled his eyes. In his heart, he knew Anxiety was right. Lies protect people and they protect yourself. He can remember a moment in his existence where he was lying to Patton to spare his feelings, or Logan to make him feel confident even if he didn’t quite agree with him. Most interactions he had with Anxiety before they were forced to become roommates were lies. 

Lies were natural. He knew his being was completely natural. 

But it was so much easier to ignore that then deal with the fact that everyone hated him for what he was made to do. 

“I’m not coming out, Anxiety,” Janus sighed, muttering to himself as he settled back into bed, back facing the door and blankets over his head. “Just leave me alone. Please.”

There wasn’t any protest from the other, but it did take a moment or two for him to slowly close the door and leave. 

This was better for Thomas anyhow. It had to be. 


	2. Patton (11)

Patton hummed under his breath as he danced around the kitchen, putting away dishes and cleaning every now and again. Roman always thought it was silly that Patton liked doing "useless chores" instead of just waving his hand through the air and fixing everything with little effort. That was lazy! And Patton liked doing it anyways! It's fun  _ and  _ keeps you active! He should really convince the others to leave their rooms sometimes and help him. 

“Hello, Patton.”

Patton jumped, fumbling with a— thankfully plastic— plate and accidentally dropping it onto the floor. Speaking of… he laughed at his own mental joke and grabbed the plate from the floor, springing back up to smile at Logan. 

“Hi there, Logiebear! Didn’t hear ya coming, haha!” Patton put the plate down to give Logan his full attention. “I’m just cleaning up from the little New Years party we had last night. Boy, that Roman really knows how to keep us all up til midnight, huh?”

“Yes, he was… very good at keeping us up by scaring us awake and talking very loudly so even if we  _ wanted  _ to sleep, we couldn’t.” Logan smiled as he remembered last night, but quickly shook his head and cleared his throat, trying to act more serious. “Thomas has less than a week left of his winter break before he has to go back to school, do you have any suggestions of what we should do in that time? I’m making up his schedule as we speak.”

Logan brought up his much-too-big calendar for his tiny little body with his pack of multicolored pens for color-coordinating (they got him those for Christmas) to demonstrate. Patton hummed and shrugged. 

“I dunno. Probably something fun with all the little time he’s got left!” Patton started to put the rest of the dishes away. He snapped and pointed at Logan from over his shoulder. “Oh, maybe Roman can take him out to play in the yard with his brothers? They can recreate  _ A Christmas Story _ again out in the lawn!” 

“That would be… fun, yes,” Logan said slowly, trying to grab his voice. The kid was so shy when it came to voicing his opinion, but he was getting better at speaking up. Patton was proud of him. “But shouldn’t Thomas be trying to prepare himself for school when it does start back up in 5 days from now? I mean, he has been… not using a lot of information because he hasn’t been in school.”

Patton stopped, thinking. “You do have a point there, kiddo, but I still think Thomas shouldn’t worry about that just yet. He’s still got  _ plenty  _ of time to remember his past lessons before it’s too late.”

Logan nodded, drumming his fingers on his planner. He didn’t seem all that pleased with the outcome, but wasn’t planning on saying anything else about it. Patton frowned. 

“You can disagree with me, Logan,” he reassured. The Logical side looked at him nervously. “I’m not going to hate you because you think Thomas should spend his last few days on break getting ready.”

He looked back down at his planner and cleared his throat, straightening his back. “Of course, I was just… hesitant is all because of what happened to Reason. I am still very useful to Thomas, and just because I would he rather study than play doesn’t make me bad.”

Patton felt his stomach drop with his smile. He swallowed and nodded, trying to keep his expression same. 

Is that really how the others saw the situation?

Logan didn’t like the look on his face and tried clearing his throat again, adjusting his glasses. “As I was saying, I  _ do  _ think Thomas should at least put aside some time to reintroduce himself to some of the topics he learned before break.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Patton shook his head, trying to bring his thoughts back to the present. “Go ahead, Logan. Pitch those ideas to Thomas today and then we can play.” 

Logan smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Patton.” He sunk out quickly after, probably off to suggest to Thomas just that. 

Patton was still reeling at the mention of Reason— or whoever he is now― and what Logan had just said about still being useful. Not for the first time since “it” happened did he wonder if he made a mistake pushing them all away. It wasn’t that the others weren’t “useful” it was that they weren’t… good. For Thomas, at least. He did still believe that they could change but… right now they couldn’t hold any control over Thomas. It wasn’t right to let them out just yet. 

Lying was bad and it was bad for Thomas. He didn’t want Reason— or whoever— to corrupt Thomas anymore than he already had with how long they let him sit at their table. Despite Patton’s best efforts, he still caught Thomas lying after he’s been gone for months. It wasn’t as often at least, he had learned that lying was wrong and didn’t do him any good, but there were moments when Fear got his hold on him and a lie slipped out. 

Patton did the right thing in the end. He did. He had to have. 

“What’s hopping, Popping Pat?” Roman startled Patton out of his thoughts, making him actually jump with a gasp. Roman raised an eyebrow at him. “And I mean that literally? I suppose?”

“Oh,” Patton places a hand on his chest to calm his fast beating heart. He laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, kiddo. Ha, you just surprised me is all.”

“You look out of sorts,” Roman narrowed his eyes and placed a hand under his chin, drumming his fingers against it. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no,” he laughed again. “I was just thinking, Princey. Say how did you sleep last night? You didn’t wake up this morning when I knocked on your door.”

“A Prince  _ needs _ his beauty sleep and I didn’t sleep for the full six hours like I  _ need  _ to,” Roman rolled his eyes and waved his hand through the air as he spoke. “Let me tell you, I love holidays as much as the next side, but New Years has  _ got  _ to be my least favorite. Staying up all night means less daytime to spend adventuring!”

“You’re the one that wanted us all to stay up with Thomas.”

“Yes, well, if he didn’t then what would he have to brag about to his friends when school starts? His new baseball glove? Come on, Dad, think a little.”


	3. Janus (13)

Janus sighed as he finally returned to his room. 

He felt horribly drained. Remus and August― Anxiety― whatever he wanted to be called now― had been keeping him busy lately. It seemed like the universe had a goal on seeing how long it will take to make Janus crack again and take another two month break from the world. 

Today, Remus had gotten hurt again. He had gone to the Imagination (a place he wasn’t allowed to be in alone considering how uncontrollable his half was) looking for a fight and had almost gotten himself killed. If he could die. But thankfully, it wasn’t possible. He would already be long dead if that was the case.

With all the blood and gore, Anxiety had been screaming at both of them and panicking. He mostly screamed at Remus for being so dangerously reckless, but he did yell quite a bit at Janus for not watching him when that was his job and now Remus had a hole straight through his stomach. 

When Remus was no longer the priority, Janus attempted to calm Anxiety down from the quickly growing panic attack with reassuring words. That didn’t go well at all and started a fight between them that ended with Anxiety storming off to wherever he goes when he can’t stand being down here with them.

He wasn’t exhausted  _ at all. _

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Janus grabbed his old blanket— that was starting to be too small for him— and wrapped himself in it. He needs some rest after today. 

He knew he was just lying to himself. His room had a tendency to do that, make him believe it made him feel better, but in actuality, it made him feel worse the longer he stayed. 

After a lot of thought and reflection, Janus had come to the conclusion that he had only gained these horrid scales and other features because he was ignoring his responsibilities. He was lies, self-preservation, good mental health. And here he was, sitting in his own filth for days on end, hating himself and only hurting Thomas the more he wallowed. No wonder half his body was now covered in smooth green scales.

Janus was still working on his issues. Really, considering that he caved in and was now wasting away once again in his room after a day of taking care of his responsibilities, he still had a lot more to go until he was better.

But his room tricked him into thinking it helped. It was just so comforting and quiet. He could just stay in here forever and ignore everything around him. Pretend that Thomas wasn’t slowly falling apart without him.

Ignore the fact that Remus was getting worse as the days went on. Ignoring that Anxiety and him have been fighting more and more lately. Ignoring the fact that Roman apparently hated his guts for reasons he still can’t understand, that Logan was pushing away his feelings and becoming two dimensional in hopes of being listened to. 

That Patton still wasn’t understanding that what he did was wrong.

Janus sat up, glaring at the wall across from him. Thinking about all this wasn’t helping his depression at all. Nothing here helped his depression. His old blanket from when everyone was together, the emptiness of his room, having never gotten around to decorating it like the others have. Everything about his room was depressing.

He needed to get out of here.

Sinking out and appearing into the commons room, he was surprised to see Remus still there. The Prince also seemed surprised to see him, hand quickly dropping from where he was scratching his cheek. It didn’t look to be raw or bloody, only red and irritated, so Janus didn’t mention it.

“What are you doing here?” Remus asked bluntly, absentmindedly picking at the heavy bandages wrapped around his chest. 

“For the weather, of course,” Janus sat beside him, taking his hand to stop him from any damage he was inevitably going to cause. Remus started playing with Janus’ fingers instead, a much safer distraction. “I needed to leave my room. It wasn’t doing me any good to stay cooped up in there.”

Remus nodded. “That’s why I’m still out here too. I hate my room. Roman’s bed is still in there and it’s too dark and there’s this boney, bat-like creature in my closet that likes to bother me by coming out at random and breathing right into my ear―”

“Why is Roman’s bed still in there?” Janus interrupted. It was always good to interrupt Remus when he’s rambling about things he doesn’t like. “He’s been gone for quite a few years now?”

“Yeah,” Remus’ voice cracked and he swallowed audibly. He bent one of Janus’ fingers to crack the knuckle, which hurt a little, but the pain lasted no longer than a second. “Yeah, I know, but if he ever does come back, or just wants to visit, or gets kicked out again, he has somewhere to sleep. I don’t want him sleeping in my bed and the floor is gross and sticky which he wouldn’t like. It’s… gone pretty downhill in there since he left.”

Janus nodded with a hum. Remus continued to try and crack Janus’ knuckles. When one wasn’t cracking, he tried putting more pressure on it and the pain lasted more than just a few seconds. Janus hissed involuntarily and pulled his hand away. He apologized and quickly tried to shift his focus away from accidentally hurting Janus. 

“My room is very boring,” Janus said, placing his hands in his lap instead. “I definitely wouldn’t like it if you came with me to decorate it. It would be a horrible activity. Even worse if you wanted to make a spot for yourself to come in and calm down if you were feeling particularly bad. Maybe even a space for Anxiety too.”

Remus was glowing with each sarcastic lie that left his mouth. Janus smirked, raising his eyebrows.

“Like I said, that would be absolutely terrible.”

“Let’s go!”

Both of them shrieked with laughter― Janus’ mostly out of surprise as Remus practically yanked him off the couch when he got up― as they rushed off to Janus’ room to redecorate. Janus wasn’t as worried going back into his room this time around, it was hard to fall into a pit of depression with Remus hopping around and Janus having to rein him in so he didn’t add anything horrible or strain himself too thin and hurt himself.

This felt a lot more right, having Remus in here with him, making his own space on the opposite wall of Janus’ bed. His room felt more… alive with someone to care for. Janus enjoyed filling his room with things that could benefit him instead of bring him down, especially enjoying how his room really did seem to help Remus calm down― in the sense of not getting stuck in his head. He was anything but calm running around the room― and they could ignore the real issues going on. 

He was understanding himself a little more now. His room shouldn’t be a spot to wallow in self-pity, it should be a place to relax. To take care of yourself. Not only for Janus, but for Remus and Anxiety. For anyone who comes into his room. A place to forget pressures, expectations, and such.

It wasn’t perfect, but after Remus had tuckered himself out in his plush little corner, Janus knew it was better. Lying in his own bed, he stared up at the ceiling. He was still exhausted, but it felt less… oppressive than it was earlier that day. Like a weight was lifted.

Things were getting better.


	4. Patton (13)

Patton smiled as he rose back up into the commons. Today was a fun-filled day! Thomas didn’t have a lot of work to do in his classes, only a little homework and an interesting art project! The due date on that one was still a little ways away, so he had nothing to worry about. He had the most exciting lunch period with all his friends joking and laughing with him and one friend even brought someone new over to hang out! 

Overall, it was a very good day.

“Today was awful.”

“Agreed.”

Well, for the most part it was a very good day.

Patton whined. “What do you mean? I thought today was a success!” As if proof to his claim, Patton tossed up his hands to show off his enthusiasm for how great the day was. “And Logan? Agreeing with Roman now?”

“Normally, I wouldn’t see Roman’s side to things, but I have to agree with him,” Logan gestured around him. “Today was awful.”

“Now, I’m proud of you for getting on the same page for once, but I have to ask  _ how  _ today was so awful?” Roman scoffed, bringing attention back to him.

“Where to start?” He started counting off the reasons why on his fingers. “Nothing interesting was going on in class today, Thomas has a  _ ton  _ of homework to do now, I have an art project to work on which would be fun if Thomas wasn’t such a horrid artist, and that Gloomy Gusto came by today and almost  _ ruined  _ lunch time for us! The one thing Thomas looks forward to from school!”

“While I agree that Thomas does have a lot more homework to do because he refused to do it in class like the teacher had suggested,” Logan quickly added on. “I disagree with the rest. What was happening in class today was important and because of you and Patton, he could barely focus on the lesson. And as for Anxiety showing up, you two wouldn’t focus on anything else for the rest of the day and Thomas―  _ once again―  _ could not pay attention.”

_ “I was only doing my job!” _

Patton and Roman jumped as Anxiety popped in between them, both letting out a shout of surprise. 

“If it wasn’t for me, Thomas could’ve made a total fool of himself in front of this  _ stranger _ and his friends. They could’ve seen how much of an idiot Thomas really is and stopped wanting to hang out with and then he’d be alone during lunch and that’s so much  _ worse―” _

“Would you shut it, you broken record,” Roman tried waving Anxiety off, almost smacking him in the shoulder because of how close they were standing. Patton shrank back. “Everyday you scare Thomas away from doing anything exciting! He can barely say ‘here’ when the teacher calls his name for attendance with you around! You can’t even let a new person come into his life without questioning their intentions and opinions on him all the time!”

“If I wasn’t here, who knows how much  _ heartbreak  _ and  _ betrayal  _ Thomas would have gone through!”

“Okay, okay,” Patton laughed nervously, putting up his hands standing in between the two sides before things got messy. “Okay, why don’t we all just calm down―”

“I don’t understand why you even decided to show up,” Logan bites out, one fist clenched at his side. Patton wanted to cry.  _ Not him too! _ “If you had just kept to your own business, then you could’ve seen that there was no danger in sight and you and Roman wouldn’t have been fighting for the rest of the day.”

“Ha!” Roman shouted, pointing at Logan and smiling in smug victory at Anxiety. “Teach agrees with me, so get outta here, Downer-town Abbey!”

“That one wasn’t even good!”

_ “Why are you still here?!” _

“Alright enough!” Patton shouted over them. He quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. He didn’t know where that came from. It worked, however, the room went quiet because of his outburst. He shifted, placing his hands on his hips to try and gain back his speaking voice after shocking himself into silence. “I’m sorry to yell, but you all need to stop arguing. Right this instant!”

His voice didn’t get as loud as before, but still had its effects. They all lowered their heads one way or another in shame and embarrassment. Patton cleared his throat and continued, trying to ignore the squeezing feeling in his chest. 

“Now, Roman and Logan. I want you to apologize to Anxiety. He may be a surprise at times, but he is still part of the group and I will not tolerate this behavior.” Anxiety shrank into his hood, mumbling to himself. Logan and Roman both mutter out apologizes, uncomfortable and nervous. 

Patton nodded, satisfied. “Good. Now all of you to your rooms. I think we all just need a little break and come back during dinner to talk this out.”

They all relented, Logan and Roman heading to their rooms and Anxiety sinking out downstairs. Patton stayed in the commons a little longer, trying to figure out what happened to break his happy day. He didn’t like this… hollow feeling in his chest. It hurt almost. Like a snake wrapped around his heart.

Sighing, he decided to head to his room like the others had. How did such a good day get away from him like this? He’s never ended a day with fighting before. Maybe some arguing for Logan to eat and for Roman to stop teasing him, but Patton has never… lost himself like that before. He had yelled at them.

And they all looked so scared when he did.

This wasn’t the first time they were scared of him. Roman was terrified of him for a long time after the… after he spent all that time with the others. He pretended he wasn’t, but Patton still remembered him flinching whenever Patton would raise a hand too fast or jumping when he touched his shoulder. And Logan was afraid to speak up against him. He was afraid to have a different opinion than Patton because of what happened with Deceit.

They were afraid of him and he didn’t know what to do to change that.

Patton shut his door carefully and looked around his room. It made him… less than happy to see it. His room was still filled with things that reminded him of Deceit when he was still good. An old toy or two, board games they used to play together, some pens and journals filled with notes he would take about Thomas and the others that Patton always thought was really cute. There was so much stuff.

They used to be such good friends… 

Patton laughed to himself as he caught sight of a copy of Deceit’s old blanket, picking it up and holding it close. He loved that blanket. He was never a morning person, so more times than not he’d be walking around the mind with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and dragging on the floor behind him like a cape. It was a security blanket of sorts and Patton thought it was the cutest thing,

He wondered if Deceit still had the real thing.

Hugging the blanket even closer, Patton looked through his clutter, trying to bury himself in happy memories of when his family only screamed with laughter.


	5. Janus (15)

Janus shoved Remus away from the food he was cooking with a chuckle. Remus was quickly growing taller than him so it was getting harder and harder to block him from putting anything into their food. He would always end up having to wrestle him away and Remus probably liked it for the wrong reasons.

“Come on, Double Dee!” Remus whined, pressing his chest against Janus’ back and leaning heavy enough that Janus had to adjust his footing so they didn’t fall into the hot chili. “Just a  _ wee _ bit of ghost pepper? This isn’t even bad compared to the other shit I try to pull!”

“You can put that in your own food when I’m done,” Janus stifled another laugh, and pushed back once more. He could feel the heat from the chili and the stove fire and he didn't feel like setting himself on fire today. “You know Anxiety doesn’t like spicy food.”

“Duncan.” Remus corrected, putting his chin on Janus’ shoulder.

“Right. Duncan.” He rolled his eyes. This naming business was getting bothersome. He couldn’t seem to decide on a name that he liked or felt right to him. And it was like every time that Janus found out what name he was going by now and used it, Anxiety would change it. Like he didn’t want Janus saying it.

He loved him, but Anxiety― but Duncan seemed adamant on making Janus work for his attention in turn. 

“Okay, but what about the others’ food―”

“Why don’t you go get everyone and maybe I’ll change my mind about letting you ruin everyone’s evening?”

That got Remus to move. He squealed in his excitement and sunk out to grab everyone for dinner. That should take some time, they both hid from Remus like he was the plague― which is fair sense he  _ has _ brought a plague to their place in the mind before. 

Janus smiled to himself as he filled the bowls. He placed the materials in front of each spot on the table, despite knowing everyone will grab their food and leave Janus and Remus to eat alone like usual. Once he has finished, he stops for a moment, aware of the light feeling in his chest.

He was happy.

Sure, he might not have any reason to be happy right now. His relationship with Duncan was getting worse, the side barely staying downstairs with them ever and the last time he’s actually been able to hold a conversation with him was days ago. Remus and Roman had some sort of falling out that once again ruined any progress Janus had made with the Core sides. His life has been falling apart around him since his first breath.

But he was happy.

It felt nice. Ever since he’s started spending more time out of his room and actually taking care of himself and the others, he’s never felt happier to be where he is. He might just be healthy enough now to talk to Thomas again. It’s been years since he’s been able to show his face to him that Thomas has forgotten his very existence.

Janus was taken out of his thoughts at the sound of clanking of silverware and dishes. He just barely caught a flash of orange escape into the halls and the missing bowl. It was safe to say he’s gotten his food. Now, just three bowls sat at the table. Duncan, however, was bypassing the food set out and went straight to the fridge. Janus didn’t bother with the one who had already made his escape, but― as usual― he decided to try and get to Anxiety.

Steeling his nerves at the thought of this attempt starting a fight, Janus addressed him. “Duncan, I made dinner.”

“Don’t care, don’t call me that,” he shut the fridge with a slam with a half full Gatorade in his hands. “I’m not eating that. I’m not stupid, I know Remus helps you cook.”

“I promise you, he didn’t put anything in it,” Janus raised his hand over his heart to show that he was sincere. The fearful side just glared at him. “I know you just love it when he does that.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right. You have fun choking down whatever he’s done now. Just hope you all don’t end up fighting for the toilet again.”

“Anxiety, please―”

“I’m eating upstairs anyways. Patton’s food is at least edible.”

Janus blinked. “You’ve been having dinner with them?” How had he not known this? He usually knows everything going on in the mind.

Anxiety narrowed his eyes. “Yeah. I have been for awhile. What, you think I just haven’t been eating for two years?”

_ “Two―”  _ Janus shut his mouth, trying to stop himself from losing his cool. He was in such a good mood and he wasn’t gonna have Anxiety ruin that again. Taking a deep breath, he sighed. “Anxiety, why are you even hanging out with them? You know they aren’t going to just welcome us all up with open arms. Especially with Remus and Roman’s―”

_ “You guys maybe,” _ Anxiety cut off. “But they haven’t turned me down yet. I think they know I’m not like you guys and one day I won’t even have to come down here anymore.”

With that, he began to sink out. Janus sighed again and closed his eyes, pinching his nose in frustration. 

“Why do I even bother with you.” He muttered rhetorically under his breath, turning back to the table, unable to see that Anxiety had heard him before leaving. When he opened his eyes again, Remus was standing in front of his seat, having watched the scene. He smiled widely once Janus noticed him.

“I guess it’s just us again! I did try this time, though.” Janus smiled back, picking up his bowl.

“You did and I totally don’t care that they can’t stand one little meal with us,” he walked past him and towards the couches. “And for your failed effort, I say we eat on the couch today. As a treat.”

Remus squealed and scooped up his own bowl, spilling the hot chili over his hands and hissing in pain at it― not that it lessened his excited giggling, quite the opposite. He crashed beside Janus, the other summoning another arm to catch the bowl so it didn’t spill over him too. Once Remus had (mostly) settled down in his seat, he placed it in his hands. 

“How was your day today, little devil?” Janus asked, twirling his spoon through his food. Remus shimmied with even more excitement as he dumped a container of ghost pepper flakes into his chili.

As they talked about their days until twilight fell, Anxiety’s bowl sat cold on the table, abandoned.


	6. Patton (15)

Knocking. Constant knocking. Patton could hear it against his skull, but he doesn’t want to come out. 

Sometimes it’s Logan, but mostly it’s Roman, whining and begging for Patton to come out and give him attention or play a little game with him. Patton didn’t know who it was right now. His hands were too tightly pressed against his ears. 

He didn’t want to come out. 

He didn’t want to come out of his room because then they would start fighting and will never stop. Then Anxiety will say something about the others in the basement and he would be reminded of his horrible children that he had _abandoned all alone_ in the dark. Then he’d have to smile and laugh and crack jokes like he’s happy, but he isn’t because all he wants to do all day is lay in bed and cry. 

The knocking stopped for a moment. Patton thought he was safe to remove his hands. Whoever they were had given up (must’ve been Logan then). Despite knowing they had left, Patton was still biting his lip and listening. 

“Hey, Pat?” Anxiety’s soft, hesitant voice. 

He had to swallow back a sob. 

“Do you want to come out? I, uh, we made dinner for you— us, I mean,” Anxiety cleared his throat a few times in between sentences. “When you weren’t in the kitchen, Logan got all hot and bothered about his routine being messed up and made it. I hope that’s okay…?”

Oh great, now Patton was neglecting his other kids too.

Taking a few deep breaths, he pushed Deceit’s old blanket off of him and trudged up to his feet. 

“Aww, kiddo that’s so sweet!” He winced at the forced enthusiasm. He hoped Anxiety didn’t pick it up. He spun around in one spot, trying to look for a mirror in the mess that was his floor. “I’ll be out in a second. So sorry for forgetting to feed ya, time got away from me for a second.”

Patton felt guilt at Anxiety's reassurance. It  _ wasn’t _ a lie. He has been having such a hard time keeping track of time when all he did all day was space out, only coming back when Thomas needed him. Not to mention he gets lost in better memories of the past all the time. So he wasn’t  _ lying. _

His foot kicked something metal and shiny. A mirror! Running off his brief spurt of happiness at finding what he was looking for, he scooped up the mirror and turned it over to face him. 

He looked awful. 

Patton’s mood immediately decimated once he saw himself in the mirror. His hair was a greasy mess and sticking out in random directions, there were bags under his eyes that rivaled Anxiety’s, and his eyes looked odd. He couldn’t quite place what made them look so strange, but it didn’t look right. 

He’ll have to think of some excuse as to why he looks so horrible. 

Shaking that thought away, he put the mirror face down on his bed. No, that would be lying. He shouldn’t lie. Lying was bad and wrong and if he lied then he was no better than Deceit. 

Patton wished he was more like Deceit. He always seemed like he knew what to do and what was right. Sometimes Patton wonders if the wrong side was given the wrong functions. Sometimes he left like he was Deceit more than he was Morality. 

He opened the door and let out the breath that he was holding. Anxiety hadn’t waited for him. Good, he could still try thinking of an excuse on why he looked so bad. With that goal in mind, he walked down to the dining room where he could hear chatter. 

“There he is!” Roman threw up his arm to bring Patton’s arrival to the other two’s attention. Patton smiled and sat down in his spot. It looks like Roman had helped Logan with dinner. It was glaringly obvious that Logan had made toast and Roman had made actual food that everyone could eat. “We thought you had died in there. What took you so long, man? And so disheveled too.”

“Sorry, Roman. Time just got away from me,” Patton forced a light laugh and leaned over the table to start making his dish. “Thank you so, so much for making dinner, guys! It all looks fantastic!"

“Thanks to  _ me,”  _ Roman said, sending a pointed look towards Logan and Anxiety. “Weight watcher here was only making himself food. Can barely eat and yet gets frazzled when dinner isn’t ready by six.”

“You could’ve waited for Patton, but  _ I  _ didn’t want to.” Logan defended himself, taking a bite out of his sad piece of toast. Patton could already feel his dangerous low energy dying at his feet the longer he was here. 

“And Anxiety didn’t even show up until I had finished! I’m telling you, Patty, he’s such a freeloader. Why does he still eat with us?”

“All you did was summon food, you didn’t make anything.”

"Summoning takes _work._ Not that you would know the meaning of hard work."

"I work harder than 

Patton picked at his food as they fought around him. He just wanted to go back to his room. All they did anymore was fight and Thomas was suffering all the time and he was scared with Anxiety having so much influence on him right now. And there was nothing he could do about it because none of them ever listened to him. He  _ just _ wanted to go to his room.

“Patton?”

He met Anxiety’s eyes. He looked concerned as Roman and Logan continued to fight over them. Patton forced a― frankly terrible― smile.

“Are you good?”

“I’m fine, kiddo,” he said. “I’m just a little tired and not so hungry. I think I’ll take this to my room and eat it, but if you guys need anything else, you can come get me.”

Patton stood and picked up his plate, trying to keep the smile up when Roman and Logan paused in their fight to watch him leave. He tried ignoring the guilt eating away at his stomach when he saw Anxiety’s poor little puppy eyes as he left down the hall or the others confused stares. 

“Good going guys, you drove your dad off.”

“I did no such thing! Logan is the one always driving him off!”

“I didn’t even say anything to him!”

Patton shut his door and tried to stop any tears from falling as the shouting started up again. He was always trying, but he could never stop it. All he did was try, try, try and nothing seemed to make it better. He just wanted things to get better.

He dropped his untouched plate of food on one of the more clearer surfaces he could find and dropped back into his bed, only letting his tears fall when he was well hidden under his blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started before thinking up the headcanon, but it quickly became a fic about their rooms lmao. Pretty much if you don't understand what I'm talking about, I imagine Janus and Patton have very similar rooms. Them both distraction you and making you not want to leave. Patton's is all about trying to feel happy and ending up getting lost in memories of when you were happy and Janus' is about plain ignorance and denial, avoiding your problems in the guise of taking care of yourself.
> 
> One of them figured it out a lot earlier than the other lmao.


End file.
